“That’s the least they can do,” huffed Captain Alejandro Varella, from the Spanish merchant ship Santa Clara. “If you’re gonna raid and pillage us, at least do it with a bit of pizzazz.”
The Santa Clara is the third merchant vessel to be raided by pirate crews in as many weeks. Merchants say that they have resigned themselves to regular acts of violent maritime theft, but will simply not tolerate being boarded by men who can’t carry a tune.
“They’re more compliant if you serenade them a little before you shoot them,” says pirate Captain Edward Kenway, a relative newcomer to the Caribbean Sea, who further explained that pirate crews’ reputations are now closely tied to their ability to belt out the hits as well as the broadsides.
“The game has changed. It’s not just about who’s the most ruthless or the most daring,” he says. “Nowadays you gotta have the prunes AND the tunes.”
At press time, Captain Kenway was still chasing down vessels along the Spanish Main. He thinks that may not be the case for long, however. “I’ve just added a killer tenor to the crew. We’re so good, I think the ships are gonna start coming to us soon.”
