SANTA MONICA, CA — Director Ariel Lawrence confirmed on Friday evening that the latest installment in the God of War series will include a special accessibility mode designed to help angry male fans accept the fact that the game features a heroine they don’t immediately want to masturbate to.
The mode will adjust Laufey’s character design to feature curvier proportions as well as a more form-fitting attire. “We’re hoping this will align more closely with their expectations of the typical female protagonist,” said Lawrence, who explained that opting into the alternative mode will also cause Laufey to periodically break the fourth wall with words of encouragement like “who’s a big boy?” and “wow, is this really your first time?”
“We understand that, tonally, this game is a bit of a departure from its predecessors, so we want to do what we can to ease this transition,” she added. Although some remain skeptical, Lawrence is confident that the new accessibility mode will go a long way toward earning the trust of longtime fans and making sure they’re able to fully enjoy the experience, including “the big musical numbers sprinkled throughout the game.”
