CACHE CREEK, CO – Local prospector Alistair Coons is still in a state of shock after striking a major vein of Pokémon cards during a recent trip to Cache Creek.
Coons, who has been prospecting the area for over a decade, says this represents a once-in-a-lifetime discovery. “I came here looking for gold, but this is so much better,” he said, pointing out that Pokémon cards are now the new standard for measuring the intrinsic value of all things worldwide. “These things are worth their weight in, well, Pokémon cards.”
Experts agree that the scale of Coons’ discovery means he likely will not have to work another day in his life. “He may well have become the richest man in the state,” said Herman Weissberg, a market analyst at Goldman Sachs in New York. “Forget about the S&P 500, it’s all about the PSA 9s and 10s nowadays.”
Coons, meanwhile, hasn’t yet decided how he’s going to spend his newfound fortune. “I’ll probably invest it all in more Pokémon cards,” he says. Asked if he ever intends on playing the actual card game, Coons simply replied: “Don’t be silly, these are valuable financial instruments, not some kid’s toy.”
